Much as I adore being born a Capricorn, the tag comes with much responsibility. Those responsibilities that bear your shoulders down, however strong a shoulder you may have. Don't get me wrong, these responsibilities are not endowed upon me by the world as you may think, these are but self imposed. And we Capricorns do take our self imposed responsibilities very seriously.
I love to over think and over analyze. I not only have to think for myself, but I also feel the need to think for others in the world. After all, this power was not evenly distributed, and I absolutely can't allow others to lose out because of that. So I think and think , and analyze and complicate things, and finally get tired doing so. And once I am tired, I think about why I got tired. So it's a vicious circle. The circle of my life. I also judge people (yes, if I know you, I have already judged you at hello). And I judge them just to be more sure of my behavior around them, because I simply must be liked! Most people often face days when they were misinterpreted and they need to convince someone that they are nice in reality. In my case, those days can't exist.
I sometimes feel like a flat tire, wobbly in the knees, pulling down those befriending me. But then at other times I feel proud that because of me, those around me, get checked and tested at regular intervals. But even on my best days, the air in me runs out and I feel spent. And those are the days I step back. Not as much for myself, as for the sake of preserving the sanity of those around me.
Even when I am decided, I am not. Even when I nothing to say, I talk. Even when I am strong, I feel weak. Even when I am telling the truth, I sometimes use a lie. Even when I am sad, it creates happiness. Even when I am alone, I accompany someone. Even when I see, I don't look. Even when I smile, I am not over it. And even when I make sense, I wish I didn't.
It's not easy being Me. Someday I would like to be the sure footed mountain goat I am meant to be. And I hope that day is not far away.
I love to over think and over analyze. I not only have to think for myself, but I also feel the need to think for others in the world. After all, this power was not evenly distributed, and I absolutely can't allow others to lose out because of that. So I think and think , and analyze and complicate things, and finally get tired doing so. And once I am tired, I think about why I got tired. So it's a vicious circle. The circle of my life. I also judge people (yes, if I know you, I have already judged you at hello). And I judge them just to be more sure of my behavior around them, because I simply must be liked! Most people often face days when they were misinterpreted and they need to convince someone that they are nice in reality. In my case, those days can't exist.
I sometimes feel like a flat tire, wobbly in the knees, pulling down those befriending me. But then at other times I feel proud that because of me, those around me, get checked and tested at regular intervals. But even on my best days, the air in me runs out and I feel spent. And those are the days I step back. Not as much for myself, as for the sake of preserving the sanity of those around me.
Even when I am decided, I am not. Even when I nothing to say, I talk. Even when I am strong, I feel weak. Even when I am telling the truth, I sometimes use a lie. Even when I am sad, it creates happiness. Even when I am alone, I accompany someone. Even when I see, I don't look. Even when I smile, I am not over it. And even when I make sense, I wish I didn't.
It's not easy being Me. Someday I would like to be the sure footed mountain goat I am meant to be. And I hope that day is not far away.
3 comments:
Those are feelings that I and many others can relate to as well. Its human nature for us wanting to be liked by others; and to care about what they think. Its human nature to be curious and to do something oppositely to what we really feel inside...so don't worry, you are not alone :) It's all part of life...and its unpredictable journey... <3
Very Deep thoughts, glad I read it
Being a Dec 29er I can relate to you !
Keep writing and keep sharing
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