..I think I have lost my mind.
Strange as it may sound, I had a spasm of insanity this morning. Considering that every other morning I wake up as a normal human being [the definition of normal varies from person to person of course], today was, for loss of words, just different. I woke up on the right side of the bed, as always, got ready and left for the gym, as always, boarded the bus, as always (right on time- 6:02 am!), worked out, as per my Tuesday schedule, and got into office, again, as always. What was strange though, was that throughout my morning activities, I had this strong sense that somebody or something was watching me. Not in the wrong way of course (FYI for all those whose mind works in a single direction), but in a rather elusive way. In a way that can only be caught if you're over suspicious and over-cautious.
In my sudden act of terror, I prayed, only to realise that I don't pray often enough for it to be answered. I then, after a frantic look around to ensure no-one was watching, decided to calm my nerves by talking to myself (Stop looked surprised, did I not mention it was part insanity, part stupidity?). I didn't expect it to make me feel better, but it did. As I was thinking aloud, to myself of course, it dawned upon me that the reason why it bothered me so was because I was constantly searching for an explanation. An explanation for what I felt, for what made me fearful and for what everyone else thought about my situation.
Everyone knows how much I always think (duh!). In fact I think enough for not only myself but others as well. I have set goals and, big disappointments if they are not met. I have plans, and feel the need to have their blueprints ready much before time. I always have a back-up plan, which must be bigger and better than the original plan itself. I have priorities, some of which are set in stone and as rigid as my high school rules. I have freedom, which I use to worry and over-analyse. I have limits, which sway with my moods. I have choices, which I complicate. I have questions, which only I must answer. And I have my life, which I feel, must be no less than perfect.
I think it was Me who was watching me today. Not watching really, but watching over. Begging me to stop. Stop and breathe..
*Thud*, I think I broke a rule today. A rule called 'Wanting'.
Is this normal?
Strange as it may sound, I had a spasm of insanity this morning. Considering that every other morning I wake up as a normal human being [the definition of normal varies from person to person of course], today was, for loss of words, just different. I woke up on the right side of the bed, as always, got ready and left for the gym, as always, boarded the bus, as always (right on time- 6:02 am!), worked out, as per my Tuesday schedule, and got into office, again, as always. What was strange though, was that throughout my morning activities, I had this strong sense that somebody or something was watching me. Not in the wrong way of course (FYI for all those whose mind works in a single direction), but in a rather elusive way. In a way that can only be caught if you're over suspicious and over-cautious.
In my sudden act of terror, I prayed, only to realise that I don't pray often enough for it to be answered. I then, after a frantic look around to ensure no-one was watching, decided to calm my nerves by talking to myself (Stop looked surprised, did I not mention it was part insanity, part stupidity?). I didn't expect it to make me feel better, but it did. As I was thinking aloud, to myself of course, it dawned upon me that the reason why it bothered me so was because I was constantly searching for an explanation. An explanation for what I felt, for what made me fearful and for what everyone else thought about my situation.
Everyone knows how much I always think (duh!). In fact I think enough for not only myself but others as well. I have set goals and, big disappointments if they are not met. I have plans, and feel the need to have their blueprints ready much before time. I always have a back-up plan, which must be bigger and better than the original plan itself. I have priorities, some of which are set in stone and as rigid as my high school rules. I have freedom, which I use to worry and over-analyse. I have limits, which sway with my moods. I have choices, which I complicate. I have questions, which only I must answer. And I have my life, which I feel, must be no less than perfect.
I think it was Me who was watching me today. Not watching really, but watching over. Begging me to stop. Stop and breathe..
*Thud*, I think I broke a rule today. A rule called 'Wanting'.
Is this normal?
