"Swing & Dance"

"If music be the food of love, play on".

I couldn't have put it better than Shakespeare myself. This sentence sums it all. The search ends in the soul. And that is exactly what music is. Soulful.

Music taught me how to emote. It created in me the feeling many run from - Sensitivity. In fact music probably is the very emotion in me. Each song brings back fond memories, and each memory brings with it the feeling of time well spent. Whenever I hear a tune from the past, I cannot help but re-play in my head the exact sensation of that moment. Place, time, people all intact. If I were a scientist, I would probably use music to create a time machine. I always wondered why the so-called brilliant people never thought of that.

There are people in the world who write the words in my head. Yes, their lyrics are a reflection of my world. I wonder how they got in there. But they did. And when they did they created beautiful melodies. Melodies that have become a part of my existence. Melodies that make me sing along. Melodies that re-define my thoughts. Melodies that are Me.

I put my headphones on and let myself immerse in the fantasy that builds around it. Tears stream down my face, and then the smile breaks out. The emotions mixed transport me to a place that I wish was real. But it also brings with it time that has been, time that is, and time that will be. I associate the song with those I love, loved or will come to love. And whenever I see their faces, their tune automatically resonates in my head. A feeling so surreal that I cannot pen into words. A feeling so surreal that it almost has its own lyrics.

To those who are reading this, I hope you all have your own song. That one song that makes you feel like yourself, and one that simply makes you happy. A song that reminds you of someone, something, someplace or sometimes...just nothing.

I hope my music always remains. And if it ever fades away, it's only because the next tune in queue awaits in turn..

"The not-so-sure footed mountain goat"

Much as I adore being born a Capricorn, the tag comes with much responsibility. Those responsibilities that bear your shoulders down, however strong a shoulder you may have. Don't get me wrong, these responsibilities are not endowed upon me by the world as you may think, these are but self imposed. And we Capricorns do take our self imposed responsibilities very seriously.

I love to over think and over analyze. I not only have to think for myself, but I also feel the need to think for others in the world. After all, this power was not evenly distributed, and I absolutely can't allow others to lose out because of that. So I think and think , and analyze and complicate things, and finally get tired doing so. And once I am tired, I think about why I got tired. So it's a vicious circle. The circle of my life. I also judge people (yes, if I know you, I have already judged you at hello). And I judge them just to be more sure of my behavior around them, because I simply must be liked! Most people often face days when they were misinterpreted and they need to convince someone that they are nice in reality. In my case, those days can't exist.

I sometimes feel like a flat tire, wobbly in the knees, pulling down those befriending me. But then at other times I feel proud that because of me, those around me, get checked and tested at regular intervals. But even on my best days, the air in me runs out and I feel spent. And those are the days I step back. Not as much for myself, as for the sake of preserving the sanity of those around me.

Even when I am decided, I am not. Even when I nothing to say, I talk. Even when I am strong, I feel weak. Even when I am telling the truth, I sometimes use a lie. Even when I am sad, it creates happiness. Even when I am alone, I accompany someone. Even when I see, I don't look. Even when I smile, I am not over it. And even when I make sense, I wish I didn't.

It's not easy being Me. Someday I would like to be the sure footed mountain goat I am meant to be. And I hope that day is not far away.