Sob, sniff, gone in a whiff..

How do I sum up what I feel. How do I sum up who I am.

Nostalgia hits, withdrawal symptoms become prominent and panic attacks become common. Seven years in Singapore - experiences I can’t describe and friends I can’t count. There are two phases of my life that I have any recollection of, and carry with me at all times. One is my boarding school, the other is Singapore. And now as I by pass the signals and drive along, move on, I find it hard to express anything at all. I can’t seem to find the right words to tell you all how hard it is to go away.

From first impressions to misconceptions. From perceived ideas to open conversations. From friends to foe. From hurts to hugs. From college to colleagues at work. From shared rooms to fancy apartments. From a make-believe adult to actually becoming one.

All this and more has been Singapore….has been each one of you.

Girls with big ear-rings and sports shoes. Girls who can’t cook. Girls who let me cry with them. Guys with naughty eyes and soccer obsessions. Guys who fancy a scuffle. Guys who show me off. All of them are a part of my existence. Friends I have learnt to love, friends I will always cherish and friends who I shall miss terribly. Friends who gave me a nudge everytime I dozed off during an important chapter called Life. Friends who are family.

With a heavy heart and no goodbyes, I part.

Love you all and thanks for making me who I am. Stay I touch!

"Wincing work weasels"

8 am, rushing to work
Straighten your tie & wipe that smirk,
Walk with the crowd, the boardroom awaits
Don't think like them, or you'll fall to bait,
Whispers loud, stares & greetings of the day
Sudden pin drop silence with nothing to say,
Proceedings begin, discussion finally arise
The break refreshments better be nice!
Trying very hard, being absolutely sincere
They speak only what others want to hear,
This becomes the code of conduct
You'll be heard, all you need is some luck,
Strategies, arguments & work in line
The floor is open, with an invisible 'Stop' sign,
Smiles so cold and glares that warm
Putting a facade without a qualm,
The corporate DNA boiling high
You're the catch-of-the-day if you sigh,
Global cooperation, cultural harmony
The deal is yours, just show me the money,
You are either bright, or great with the gab
But if you have the looks, the cats in the bag
Walk and sleep your proposal today
Sweet talk, and you might just get your way,
The lunch hour race runs out fast
Lick the management's tray, or you'll end up last,
Few more hours to endure, time for coffee
Catch a wink on the call, break the monotony
Like a child in school, you sense the time
The imaginary bell, revelry and wine
Night so black , stars shining bright
Mock you loud for missing all daylight
Bid farewell, throw the last pence worth
Now is when the great ideas take birth,
Network hard, get the secrets out
Get famous and speak them out loud,
Being on top of your job, meeting each deadline
And in knowing the scandals you must shine,
If you can't cope, can't stand the politics
Just pretend to understand, cheer & wink,
Don't beat your head on that wall
The only thing you can break into is a bawl,
There is no escape, no right or wrong
Just go with the flow, sing the song,
Learn the tricks, do as the grinning slugs do
Simply nod enthusiastically, and say "I agree with you",
Come next day, repeat of chores
Time to blend in, mingle with the bores,
8 am, rushing to work
Straighten your tie & wipe that smirk.

Which is worse...

..leaving your mobile at home, or seeing that there is not a single missed call or message at the end of the day?!

With spring in my feet, and jolly as ever, I ting-a-linged to work that day. No gym. No breakfast. But there was a tune in my walk as I had had the best sleep ever. No dreams, or none that I could remember. No frantic odd hour calls from girl friends, no not-so-frantic and not-so-important odd hour calls from guy friends. The radio playing all night in my ears, calm, soft, perfect.

I left home smiling in my own little world, unaware that I had left my best buddy under the covers. Nothing could spoil my day except the realisation of what I had done. Being a girl, I am allowed to say it was a nightmare! All those important calls, texts, friends expecting a reply, family worrying where I was. I wondered what people would think when I did not respond. Would they email instead? Would they contact my other friends to check if they knew anything about my whereabouts? Would anyone try and contact my work-place? Would anyone send out a search party? I think I was more worried about my MIA status than anyone else in the entire world. It was a 'the-world-might-have-stopped-coz-nobody-knows-where-I-am' moment.

The rest of the day was hard.

Back home, I was in a frenzy, which turned into anxiety, and then into a abashed-what-were-you-thinking expression! A look worth a million awards. None, no calls, no messages. Nothing at all. My presence was obsolete. Melo-drama at its peak, and in an animated surprised-with-disappointment sort of a way, I was in all sense of the word- Shocked.

Clearly something was wrong? or did I just over-estimate my existence.

--The grunge crunch--

Dishevelled, disoriented
The chaos around the bend,
Hair so messy
I could've started a trend.

It was there
Looking me in the eye,
The confusions the distress
Came by and by.

I took a step back
It caught me by the collar,
Alas! it calculated my moves
Impersonating a scholar.

What good was it now
To run, I was seen,
The devil at heart
Lived to search me clean.

Taking a deep breath
I pretended not to care,
Drew myself up close
Close enough to feel bare.

No looking back now
No turn could take me away,
Down with it!, It said
And all turned grey.

Minute by minute
Along with the gush,
I felt myself rise
In a light, meditative rush.

Spread across the floor
Detatched, the blasts from the past,
The decision had come hard
But had come at last.

Gone were the locks
The grinning barber had won,
And the only thing preserved
Was my exagerrated imagination.