I closed the last chapter…
…but with a little embroidered book mark in place..
A read through the book taught me nothing new. Yet, I decided to save the lesson. The end. The moral, as they called it in the olden days.
A gist of the story showed me no new hopes. Yet, I decided to preserve those thoughts. Save the expressions. Re-construct the incidents one day. Someday.
An understanding of the characters put no new perspectives on people. Yet, I decided to personify them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Live with them.
A feel of the emotions bit me in no different a way. Yet, I chose to experience them. Benefit from them. Then throw them away.
It was time pass. A hobby for the bored. A friend on a warm sunny day by the beach. An excuse for those tears that came without reason. A way to look busy when eating alone. A happy thought when nothing but thoughts could cheer me up. An alibi for being occupied, when solitude was the only thing on my mind.
Some words remind you years later of all that you should’ve understood years ago. I still don’t get them.
Some books are just not worth opening and reading a second time round. But I still do it.
Some stories never make enough sense. However true.
Some people always remain characters. In an act. Unchanged. Unmoved.
Some bookmarks remain in their place forever. Collecting memories. Undiscovered.
As I put the book down on the table, thoughts blinding me, I know I will never try to understand it for a second time..
…it’s just another pretty book mark lost to time...and hope..
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
"Tween a quarrel and a compromise"
Sleep sound
I got your back
When you awake
From slumber deep
I will show you
What you missed
In my eyes
In my sleep.
Walk around
To the bend
I will keep guard
Till need be
When you return
Tales I'll tell
In my words
In ways you want to see.
Make mistakes
I will pick up
After you
Leaving with a goodbye
When you look back
Sorry and sad
I will forgive
I will cry.
Hurt me deep
I will learn
For you
Lessons that
Hide your faults
And remind you where
My emotions sit
My heart is at.
Love me once
And i'll love back
So when you say
Words so sweet
With conviction strong
But truly false
I will smile
I will believe.
I got your back
When you awake
From slumber deep
I will show you
What you missed
In my eyes
In my sleep.
Walk around
To the bend
I will keep guard
Till need be
When you return
Tales I'll tell
In my words
In ways you want to see.
Make mistakes
I will pick up
After you
Leaving with a goodbye
When you look back
Sorry and sad
I will forgive
I will cry.
Hurt me deep
I will learn
For you
Lessons that
Hide your faults
And remind you where
My emotions sit
My heart is at.
Love me once
And i'll love back
So when you say
Words so sweet
With conviction strong
But truly false
I will smile
I will believe.
Friday, February 24, 2006
-Notice-
I have run out of brownie points...
...May I borrow yours?
In spite of being ultra careful, picky and highly stingy, over usage has caused a non-recoverable depletion to my brownie points reserve. Choco chip flattery, Patient-with-me macademia nut, So-sweet strawberry bits, Lend-me-your-shoulder Orea crumble, and Mend-my-mood marshmallow cream..all unavailable till further notice.
Be nice to me. I may think of baking a fresh lot.Sometime. Someday. If you're worth the effort.
(PS-Due to a complaint received from a dear friend for not making it evident enough when these brownies were distributed to her [and exactly what % she grabbed and how much did she had to do with the depletion mentioned above], I have decided to declare that this was entirely a silent give away. Might I add I was a tad bit frivolous with it but it was absolutely confidential. I and I alone track the stock beginning to end. Nothing personal. Kindly adjust)
Thursday, February 23, 2006
"Meddle Me"
I am inquisitive.Very.
And today I finally accepted it. Not to anybody but myself. Smallest of things make me cringe if the possibility of learning about the 'deep-dark secret' behind them is low. I would go limits to know a juicy gossip, but still pretend I don't care much about it. I attribute this nature to being a woman. Well most of it anyway.
It's much like PMS really. Whenever convenient I show the curiosity, and at times when it questions my manners, I blame on it being feminine! Simple! Guilty as charged.
It's a quest for knowledge. A craving that doesn't hurt anyone, but might hurt me if I am the only one remaining out of the ‘loop-of-education’. Also, if there a secret floating around, someone has to be interfering enough to want to know it right? Otherwise what’s the point of a secret in the first place! The ‘don’t tell anyone but I’m telling only you’ is by far the funniest statement of all times. It has a tendency to fly around till someone whispers it back to the “secret originator” so to speak. Although, may I add that the un-matched look on the face when you are told your own secret via different channels is priceless. Painful, yet priceless.
In my defense, I am not mean or sadistic or prying. Ok, maybe I am a bit of a mess around monkey, but hey,..don’t talk about something that would raise my well trained mental acquisitiveness in the first place, if you don’t want to go along with it all the way! I need to keep myself updated. Enlightened. Hip- with it and in the pith and action of it all. And it’s but natural to go round the bend sometimes to gain that extra edge. It’s not snooping. It’s just called information seeking.
So tell me what you’re hiding. Promise…I will tell no-one! Well, almost no-one ;)
And today I finally accepted it. Not to anybody but myself. Smallest of things make me cringe if the possibility of learning about the 'deep-dark secret' behind them is low. I would go limits to know a juicy gossip, but still pretend I don't care much about it. I attribute this nature to being a woman. Well most of it anyway.
It's much like PMS really. Whenever convenient I show the curiosity, and at times when it questions my manners, I blame on it being feminine! Simple! Guilty as charged.
It's a quest for knowledge. A craving that doesn't hurt anyone, but might hurt me if I am the only one remaining out of the ‘loop-of-education’. Also, if there a secret floating around, someone has to be interfering enough to want to know it right? Otherwise what’s the point of a secret in the first place! The ‘don’t tell anyone but I’m telling only you’ is by far the funniest statement of all times. It has a tendency to fly around till someone whispers it back to the “secret originator” so to speak. Although, may I add that the un-matched look on the face when you are told your own secret via different channels is priceless. Painful, yet priceless.
In my defense, I am not mean or sadistic or prying. Ok, maybe I am a bit of a mess around monkey, but hey,..don’t talk about something that would raise my well trained mental acquisitiveness in the first place, if you don’t want to go along with it all the way! I need to keep myself updated. Enlightened. Hip- with it and in the pith and action of it all. And it’s but natural to go round the bend sometimes to gain that extra edge. It’s not snooping. It’s just called information seeking.
So tell me what you’re hiding. Promise…I will tell no-one! Well, almost no-one ;)
Sunday, February 19, 2006
"Twinkle twinkle and i-spy"
What's the big deal about sleeping..?
..not with someone...but sleeping alone..sleeping for rest..sleeping at night..
I close my eyes, disappear somewhere and when I wake up I'm just as tired. To top that I don't even know what I did for the last 6-8 hours. Ridiculous I say. Hope the 'beauty sleep' will do me good in terms of mood,complexion,energy etc etc, but all I want when I wake up is to dive right back into bed. It's not my fault, it's the bed which does it. Pull me back that is. I only obediently oblige. Purposeful eh!
No dreams are ever re-called. Well, at least I don't remember any of them. Any of the ones that matter that is. The ones I do are too ghastly to think about. Others, silly or insignificant. Maybe embarassing. The good meaty ones dissolve in the drowsiness of the eyelids even before they open. It could have been my future which flew by me while I was in a state of temporary trance.
Sometimes I sleep talk. Scary. I could shock myself into a madness if I heard myself talking in sleep. I waste precious thoughts and words and the world misses out on them. That's not rest, thats torture. First degree. Then there are times I do realise I'm ranting some gibberish and make an effort to understand it. But then I'm asleep. What do I know.
The flip side is that I do love to sleep. I just don't understand why I do it.
Effortless, yet tiring
Calm, yet disturbing
Dreamy, yet realistic
Long, yet completes in the blink of an eye..
Sleep. Slumber. Shut eye. Professors of the sole tiring way of relaxation.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
"Love Bug..and all that shmug"
One would usually kiss a frog in the hope that he turns into a prince..
Instead today, you kiss a prince and he may turn out to be a frog..
Random and absurd. But that is the sort of thought that comes to you when you combine a book, a late sandwich and peppermint tea. Throw in a remote place with very few people, a hyped up day, a rather motivating silence and not much on the mind..and the resulting thought can be nothing but bizarre..
It is possibly the V day atmosphere which made me think of fairy tales in the first place. And then when reality hit, I derive my own conclusion for the stories. Such was this. I don't mean to be derogatory. I definitely believe in love. But I believe in the reality of it.
I believe in unconditional love with some pre-set conditions.
I believe there is no such thing as 'The one', but you make them so.
I believe in Thank you's. Always.
I believe in romantic cliched movies coz they're romantic anyway.
I believe you can have a difference in the taste of music.
I believe in breakfast in bed.But if eggs is all that you can cook, I won't smile and enjoy it.
I believe in surprises when they're given on days true.
I believe in two people gelling as peas in a pod and yet having enough to quarrel an entire lifetime.
I believe in having someone by your side, but them being allowed to fall asleep once in a while.
I believe in compromises, as long as they're not from me *grin*
I believe in forgiveness and a repetition of the mistake to test the genuineness of the forgiveness.
I believe in sharing, only if it's not the last of anything.
I believe in absolute honesty but sometimes sugar coating does no harm. Infact it could win you some points!
I believe in handwritten letters and cards as long as the handwriting is legible.
I believe in romantic dinners but don't expect me to dress up every time.
I believe in understanding and supporting for the sake of love. Just don't ask me to prove it.
I believe in roses as long as they look like a different flower from time to time.
I believe every story can be a fairy tale, only you can't be the sleeping beauty every time...
..Well I guess for the sake of the dying cupid who I nearly strangled with this post, I’d say look at it this way..at least in the end he is your frog..
..Please don't turn all gooey and green on me too often and I will manage just fine..right?
Happy Valentine's all ye lovely people!
Muah!
Instead today, you kiss a prince and he may turn out to be a frog..
Random and absurd. But that is the sort of thought that comes to you when you combine a book, a late sandwich and peppermint tea. Throw in a remote place with very few people, a hyped up day, a rather motivating silence and not much on the mind..and the resulting thought can be nothing but bizarre..
It is possibly the V day atmosphere which made me think of fairy tales in the first place. And then when reality hit, I derive my own conclusion for the stories. Such was this. I don't mean to be derogatory. I definitely believe in love. But I believe in the reality of it.
I believe in unconditional love with some pre-set conditions.
I believe there is no such thing as 'The one', but you make them so.
I believe in Thank you's. Always.
I believe in romantic cliched movies coz they're romantic anyway.
I believe you can have a difference in the taste of music.
I believe in breakfast in bed.But if eggs is all that you can cook, I won't smile and enjoy it.
I believe in surprises when they're given on days true.
I believe in two people gelling as peas in a pod and yet having enough to quarrel an entire lifetime.
I believe in having someone by your side, but them being allowed to fall asleep once in a while.
I believe in compromises, as long as they're not from me *grin*
I believe in forgiveness and a repetition of the mistake to test the genuineness of the forgiveness.
I believe in sharing, only if it's not the last of anything.
I believe in absolute honesty but sometimes sugar coating does no harm. Infact it could win you some points!
I believe in handwritten letters and cards as long as the handwriting is legible.
I believe in romantic dinners but don't expect me to dress up every time.
I believe in understanding and supporting for the sake of love. Just don't ask me to prove it.
I believe in roses as long as they look like a different flower from time to time.
I believe every story can be a fairy tale, only you can't be the sleeping beauty every time...
..Well I guess for the sake of the dying cupid who I nearly strangled with this post, I’d say look at it this way..at least in the end he is your frog..
..Please don't turn all gooey and green on me too often and I will manage just fine..right?
Happy Valentine's all ye lovely people!
Muah!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
"A step on my own toe"
People often tell me I lack attitude..I hope it's the bad type. I wouldn't want to carry the weight of that on my shoulders, and plus, I'm rather positive I am already overweight without it.
It's the same people who tell me I'm soft. No, not literally! Soft natured. Also, over sensitive, a bit gullible at times and hyper active when worried. Very moody. Moods swing me rather than the other way round.
Then there are others who say I don't get them. I think they don't express themselves enough for me to get them. I think they don't get themselves well enough to tell me what they are made up of. I think..I think they are worried to portray their true selves. Worried I may understand them too well for them to hide anything.
But I believe i like being all of the above. I would like to believe so. Everyone has a choice to be what they want to be. I choose this. I choose to be sugar coated. I choose to be concerned about others even if I lose sleep over it. I choose to be the simple gal-next-door when I could wave my hands snobbishly and trample every casual smile with my high heeled stilettos. I choose to be transparent. I speak my mind. Of course not when I'm sarcastic though. That is when you have to get me.
Attitude takes you places. The wrong sort of places. Affection takes you places as well. It takes you please you can re-discover and not run away from. Places you are not ashamed to be. Places you would brag to your grand kids about. Places of comfort.
I can be confident. My confidence lies in my secret to be submissive. Not a secret anymore. I can win over people but I choose to do so with sentiment rather than pretense. It's a temperament I support. I give way to my defense ego at the slightest risk of being called a braggart.
The reason? I want everyone to like me. Is that wrong? I worry about what everyone thinks of me and what I do. I am a phony. A phony with a twist because I would never admit the above. And I just did. Confusing as it is, I live on contradictions.
In the end, I think I could be just as much of a snoot as any of the miss-perfect-nails-nose-in-the-air-hoity-toity-walk-glances-to-kill-with-a-trail
-of-gorgeous-men-that-makes-you-green-with-envy gals....
But I choose not to be. Why? Simply because no one I know cares if my hair is styled when I need that snug hug..
...I choose to be a snoot who lost her stiff neck and tripped over her own stride somewhere along the way..
It's the same people who tell me I'm soft. No, not literally! Soft natured. Also, over sensitive, a bit gullible at times and hyper active when worried. Very moody. Moods swing me rather than the other way round.
Then there are others who say I don't get them. I think they don't express themselves enough for me to get them. I think they don't get themselves well enough to tell me what they are made up of. I think..I think they are worried to portray their true selves. Worried I may understand them too well for them to hide anything.
But I believe i like being all of the above. I would like to believe so. Everyone has a choice to be what they want to be. I choose this. I choose to be sugar coated. I choose to be concerned about others even if I lose sleep over it. I choose to be the simple gal-next-door when I could wave my hands snobbishly and trample every casual smile with my high heeled stilettos. I choose to be transparent. I speak my mind. Of course not when I'm sarcastic though. That is when you have to get me.
Attitude takes you places. The wrong sort of places. Affection takes you places as well. It takes you please you can re-discover and not run away from. Places you are not ashamed to be. Places you would brag to your grand kids about. Places of comfort.
I can be confident. My confidence lies in my secret to be submissive. Not a secret anymore. I can win over people but I choose to do so with sentiment rather than pretense. It's a temperament I support. I give way to my defense ego at the slightest risk of being called a braggart.
The reason? I want everyone to like me. Is that wrong? I worry about what everyone thinks of me and what I do. I am a phony. A phony with a twist because I would never admit the above. And I just did. Confusing as it is, I live on contradictions.
In the end, I think I could be just as much of a snoot as any of the miss-perfect-nails-nose-in-the-air-hoity-toity-walk-glances-to-kill-with-a-trail
-of-gorgeous-men-that-makes-you-green-with-envy gals....
But I choose not to be. Why? Simply because no one I know cares if my hair is styled when I need that snug hug..
...I choose to be a snoot who lost her stiff neck and tripped over her own stride somewhere along the way..
Friday, February 03, 2006
"Chessboard Politics"
While people go on and on about what they did, how they did it, why they did it, and even who they did..blah blah yadda yadda..I had a rather interesting thought this morning...
"Do men take instructions better than women or vice versa?"
Now don't you all start creating a racket here...there is of course no perfect answer to this(although men and women both will highly object to this!)...but I personally feel that if the ego allows, and if the instruction is heard loud and clear, Men would adhere to it better than Women in most cases. I say most cases, mind u. How can I be a woman and say that, you ask.I hear you! Well, I say this BECAUSE ..I'm a woman.
I don't only hear an instruction, I hear things around it I'm not supposed to, dwell on it for eons and in the process lose what the purpose of the original task was supposed to be. Men have bigger ego's. Yes, I would agree to that. But the same ego tends to make them strive for perfection. (and never attain it!).How can an expectation fall short when bestowed to a Man? Uh huh..No can't do sir, so Men tend to listen to the words rather than letting their imaginations run wild at the inappropriate times!
Think of it this way, suppose my boss screams at me and I stiffen up and refresh my attitude going forward, I'm a man. If I spend the next few days complaining how unfair that was and wasting more time than ever, and also the time of my colleagues who are randomly pulled into the conversation (females of course)..I'm definitely a woman…
If someone told me not to wear makeup one day, I would wonder if they meant that I looked better without it, or that nothing could make my face look any good so why bother with it at all! This is a woman. For a man..ok on second thoughts, bad example...
Bottom line is, we worry more about the why's and what's and who's of the situation rather than just the action and outcome. Sad, but true!
Shake your heads all you want, the situation is real and so is the reaction. Exceptions would be day to day related instructions like clean your mess, wash the dishes, make your bed, do the laundry, take a shower etc. Those are unheard of in a Man's world. Hell, men don't even consider them as instructions!
A man sees a woman
Says she looks pretty.
She thinks he is suave
Funny and witty.
They get along just well
Till along comes a task,
The man listens carefully
The woman has tons to ask.
The man thinks of answers
And how to shine,
The woman looks flustered
And reads in-between the lines.
Deadline draws close
And time is ticking,
The man is working day & night
The woman's patience is dropping.
What is he up to, she asks
It can't be taking that long,
Was it to be done like this or that?
I think I have it all wrong!
The day arrives, outcomes are compared
No one is wrong
The man details it in a page
The woman has it 20 pages long!
She smiles bashfully, he wonders
How the additional pages came,
Well, she says, I made my own instructions,
Coz the initial ones were too plain!
The man is gloating in pride
He got it out of the way
The woman just seems satisfied
Ah! It wasn't her thing anyway!
For the rest, I think I just got myself a big male fan following after this post. Now who needs to listen to any instructions when you have that eh? They'll take care of it all anyway ;)!
"Do men take instructions better than women or vice versa?"
Now don't you all start creating a racket here...there is of course no perfect answer to this(although men and women both will highly object to this!)...but I personally feel that if the ego allows, and if the instruction is heard loud and clear, Men would adhere to it better than Women in most cases. I say most cases, mind u. How can I be a woman and say that, you ask.I hear you! Well, I say this BECAUSE ..I'm a woman.
I don't only hear an instruction, I hear things around it I'm not supposed to, dwell on it for eons and in the process lose what the purpose of the original task was supposed to be. Men have bigger ego's. Yes, I would agree to that. But the same ego tends to make them strive for perfection. (and never attain it!).How can an expectation fall short when bestowed to a Man? Uh huh..No can't do sir, so Men tend to listen to the words rather than letting their imaginations run wild at the inappropriate times!
Think of it this way, suppose my boss screams at me and I stiffen up and refresh my attitude going forward, I'm a man. If I spend the next few days complaining how unfair that was and wasting more time than ever, and also the time of my colleagues who are randomly pulled into the conversation (females of course)..I'm definitely a woman…
If someone told me not to wear makeup one day, I would wonder if they meant that I looked better without it, or that nothing could make my face look any good so why bother with it at all! This is a woman. For a man..ok on second thoughts, bad example...
Bottom line is, we worry more about the why's and what's and who's of the situation rather than just the action and outcome. Sad, but true!
Shake your heads all you want, the situation is real and so is the reaction. Exceptions would be day to day related instructions like clean your mess, wash the dishes, make your bed, do the laundry, take a shower etc. Those are unheard of in a Man's world. Hell, men don't even consider them as instructions!
A man sees a woman
Says she looks pretty.
She thinks he is suave
Funny and witty.
They get along just well
Till along comes a task,
The man listens carefully
The woman has tons to ask.
The man thinks of answers
And how to shine,
The woman looks flustered
And reads in-between the lines.
Deadline draws close
And time is ticking,
The man is working day & night
The woman's patience is dropping.
What is he up to, she asks
It can't be taking that long,
Was it to be done like this or that?
I think I have it all wrong!
The day arrives, outcomes are compared
No one is wrong
The man details it in a page
The woman has it 20 pages long!
She smiles bashfully, he wonders
How the additional pages came,
Well, she says, I made my own instructions,
Coz the initial ones were too plain!
The man is gloating in pride
He got it out of the way
The woman just seems satisfied
Ah! It wasn't her thing anyway!
For the rest, I think I just got myself a big male fan following after this post. Now who needs to listen to any instructions when you have that eh? They'll take care of it all anyway ;)!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
"The Tail of the enormous POUT"
I felt like sulking today *stop shaking your heads and grinning..I do not sulk everyday..atleast not openly!* Yeah..where was I..so I was sulking today about something very very narcistic..moping to myself about myself..and the way I am..
I hate waiting for people. Rather let me put it this way, I detest people making me wait. If I can be on time so can you. If I can estimate I will be delayed and inform the poor other(s) standing shamefully in a corner of a crowded mall, so can you!
I hate not having a plan. I plan my day, my week, my weekends, my holidays. I think I even go to the extent of planning how to plan! And when things don't go according to plan, I drive myself nuts with irritation. Talk about being a control freak eh!
I hate people not responding. Acknowledging/replying to messages, emails, cute gestures, and even looks/glances. Hey if I spent some time to cook up that little exciting message for you, least you can do it say "ok" or smile..it's worth a lot..trust me…(Note to self-refresh my stock of double chocolate brownie points, in case someone decides to action after reading this!)
I hate not having winter to utilise all my winter clothes. More than the clothes I want to experience a season where I can look huge and blame it on all the layers of padding..;)
I hate that my eyes close all the way when I smile..ok not smile, grin..nopes actually laugh..which is almost all the time. I laugh when things are funny, and when they're remotely funny. What else can I say but that I am easily amused! I am a stand up comedians [a bad one] dream come true! but caught on camera..I look a laughing eyeless ostrich [without the height ofcourse], and it isn't pretty..
I hate someone asking me a question which I can't answer. Simply because it must be one which I thought about, didn't get an answer, and ignored it flat. And someone else picking up on that is purely eerie..
I hate having on of those days. Those days should essentially be read as fat day, sleepy day, bad hair day, missed-gym-in-the-morning day, don't-know-what-to-wear-to-work day, leave-me-alone day, doesn't-anyone-love-me day..one of these each day of the week and I'm pretty much occupied everyday!
I hate that I don't listen..simply because everyone tells me I don't..*gulp*. I can see people pointing their finger at me this very moment and saying "I told you so"..
I hate being blamed for something I didn't do. Well, more so because most of the time I realise I did do it in the end[once walked through the facts] and that upsets my perfectly stacked ego..it's directly related to my point above..If I listen, understand, not be in a hurry, no mistakes will be made, no blames will be flung and life will be smooth...now if I could just co-ordinate the thought-to-action process inside myself..
I hate being uncomfortable. I rather be alone [and sulk I guess!] than be in company that disinterests me. I thrive on talking. If I can't talk to someone they're history. If I have to talk to a wall (those referenced here know who they are:p) I bring 'em down. If they don't LET me talk, they're dead! And if I find myself with people where I don't know WHAT to talk.. it's goodbye..ofcourse I can cook up gibberish [I'm great at that as well], but it doesn't feel good being the background noise..
Well that is pretty much it. For now. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not a '10 things I hate about myself' gal, there are more..many more maybe, I just need more reflect-then-fret-and-shout-days to discover them..
And an obnoxiously self centered statement to wind this up..
..I 'hate' that I'm not perfect..but 'I'd love' to be...
Time to turn off the pout and turn on the smile..
I hate waiting for people. Rather let me put it this way, I detest people making me wait. If I can be on time so can you. If I can estimate I will be delayed and inform the poor other(s) standing shamefully in a corner of a crowded mall, so can you!
I hate not having a plan. I plan my day, my week, my weekends, my holidays. I think I even go to the extent of planning how to plan! And when things don't go according to plan, I drive myself nuts with irritation. Talk about being a control freak eh!
I hate people not responding. Acknowledging/replying to messages, emails, cute gestures, and even looks/glances. Hey if I spent some time to cook up that little exciting message for you, least you can do it say "ok" or smile..it's worth a lot..trust me…(Note to self-refresh my stock of double chocolate brownie points, in case someone decides to action after reading this!)
I hate not having winter to utilise all my winter clothes. More than the clothes I want to experience a season where I can look huge and blame it on all the layers of padding..;)
I hate that my eyes close all the way when I smile..ok not smile, grin..nopes actually laugh..which is almost all the time. I laugh when things are funny, and when they're remotely funny. What else can I say but that I am easily amused! I am a stand up comedians [a bad one] dream come true! but caught on camera..I look a laughing eyeless ostrich [without the height ofcourse], and it isn't pretty..
I hate someone asking me a question which I can't answer. Simply because it must be one which I thought about, didn't get an answer, and ignored it flat. And someone else picking up on that is purely eerie..
I hate having on of those days. Those days should essentially be read as fat day, sleepy day, bad hair day, missed-gym-in-the-morning day, don't-know-what-to-wear-to-work day, leave-me-alone day, doesn't-anyone-love-me day..one of these each day of the week and I'm pretty much occupied everyday!
I hate that I don't listen..simply because everyone tells me I don't..*gulp*. I can see people pointing their finger at me this very moment and saying "I told you so"..
I hate being blamed for something I didn't do. Well, more so because most of the time I realise I did do it in the end[once walked through the facts] and that upsets my perfectly stacked ego..it's directly related to my point above..If I listen, understand, not be in a hurry, no mistakes will be made, no blames will be flung and life will be smooth...now if I could just co-ordinate the thought-to-action process inside myself..
I hate being uncomfortable. I rather be alone [and sulk I guess!] than be in company that disinterests me. I thrive on talking. If I can't talk to someone they're history. If I have to talk to a wall (those referenced here know who they are:p) I bring 'em down. If they don't LET me talk, they're dead! And if I find myself with people where I don't know WHAT to talk.. it's goodbye..ofcourse I can cook up gibberish [I'm great at that as well], but it doesn't feel good being the background noise..
Well that is pretty much it. For now. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not a '10 things I hate about myself' gal, there are more..many more maybe, I just need more reflect-then-fret-and-shout-days to discover them..
And an obnoxiously self centered statement to wind this up..
..I 'hate' that I'm not perfect..but 'I'd love' to be...
Time to turn off the pout and turn on the smile..
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