"Custom-made"

I used to be shy,
I couldn't admit,
I used to feel dry.

And then I started thinking..

I did grow
But it seemed slow,
At times I ran around
The corner to find myself bound
By ideas and compulsions
Determination and emotions.

And then I started talking..

Not a stop in view
Creating a story new,
Mislead in many a way
When I drove a loss every day
Hope that someday I will entertain
Without agenda and happiness vain.

And then I started dreaming..

Dreams of me
With others in it for free,
Once I was startled with fears
From slumber deep and tears
It was the past and future
And the present was the only ally dear.

And then I stated winning..

Luck overtook
Every page of the unfortunate book,
When I looked outside
Towards that which I hadn't tried
I finally jumped the fence
Into the face of confidence.

And then I started loving..

In my own capacity
Unconditional, yet witty
I was hurt
By words sharp and actions curt
But with the change of weather
I could think,talk,dream,win & love together.

I feel full, untied,
I have a vision,
I survived.

..Inhibitions..

I was taking a walk and I came to realise that even though too much of anything can get intoxicating, there are more than a couple of things which I want in excess...correction..need in excess...
...and some others that I would love to possess..feel..experience...and live..

I'd love to be hugged so hard that it chokes to breathe [what a perfect way to die!]
I'd love for it to be so cold that I feel frost on my eyelashes and nose tip and I dare not take out my hands even for the cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table in front of me
I'd love to hurt so much that I could cry over and over and over again it for years to come, simply because I had something that meant that much to me
I'd love to make a fool out of myself amidst silence because it would create laughter
I'd love to make mistakes and inexcusable blunders as it would teach me to say sorry
I'd love to do something just because someone else wants me to do it
I'd love to visit a place, look like someone new, feel like someone new but be myself
I'd love to be able to impersonate every expression that ever existed in a smiley face
I'd love to be followed around only because the person following me can't get me out of his/her mind
I'd love to run so fast that I could catch up with my own thoughts
I'd love to bother someone to death so that they know they're worth every second I spend on them
I'd love to laugh and laugh and laugh and never get laughter lines
I'd love to write about myself one day, as seen through a friends eyes
I'd love to always talk the amount I do [I see many many shaking heads here]
I'd love to fall only to see if there is someone below to catch me [bad call!]..and realise there isn't
I'd love to try and walk after the previous 'I'd love..'
I'd love to never have all my wishes granted coz that would leave nothing for me to dream about
I'd love to always have a helping hand and yet never consider myself helpless
I'd love to tire so I can have the greatest sleep ever
I'd love to say I want to have more space to myself but for it to be understood as I need to be suffocated with care
I'd love a list of IOU's so I could claim them all my life
I'd love to be perfect for someone and still be able to point a million faults in myself
I'd love to grow up and not old
I'd love to forever add to this list...n walk and think..n walk and think...n walk and think...

A Draft of Affection

I did believe
When I walked away,
Walked away slowly
That return I will..
I shall..

I did believe
Everyone will wait,
Wait along the way
For my dreams..
For me..

I did believe
There was a purpose to this,
Purpose fulfilling
My search for something..
Something unknown..

I did believe
There was a Smile,
Smile so enduring
To wipe away the pain..
Which had found me..

I did believe
The path was winding,
Going round in circles
But there was an end..
End quite close..

I did believe
I would have a face,
Face of pride
When I walked back..
Not empty handed..

I did believe
I could answer my own questions,
Questions grim, of life
Start new beginnings..
With people old..

I did believe
I would cry
Cry relentlessly,tears true
If believed too much..
And I did..

Aye...Guilty!

Working is an art..

Looking like you are doing work is a bigger art..

Doing work, thinking of the beach, answering work relates queries, holding that devious smile, avoiding the mind from wandering and still catching a glimpse of the 'never-seen-around-before' hunk, from the corner of the eye, as he silently crosses you is an art ..a definite art with a cheek...

Getting caught doing it all..now that deserves a prize!

..Through the Washers..

Ever thought of why we feel ashamed to cry in front of others?

I mused over it..and realised it's not only because I would feel weak..it's more so because I would be giving the other person too much power...too much face...too much of a victory to relish...and still feel weak inside..

I still cry. Cry for reasons absurd.Cry for reasons others would find funny or meaningless. Cry coz i'm hurt. Cry when I hurt others. Cry when I have reasons which make me sad. Cry when I can't figure out enough reasons to be happy about. Cry when I'm angry. Cry coz I'm getting old. Cry coz I'm not getting wiser. Cry to rejoice even. Cry alone..

The puffed-up-soggy-tomato-with-a-case-of-bad-conjunctivitis-hard-to-hide look isn't worth it all.

Wish I could make a living out of it....

Krabi

Krabi
Originally uploaded by Shuchi Mittal.

..Of Lilacs and Lemons..

Railay, Krabi-A scoop of heaven tucked away in southern Thailand. Mysterious, enchanting and a massive repository of stars..

The morning. It wakes me up. I smell the air. Nothing extraordinary as expected. How different can a morning be? But there is a forest smell and that of the beach far away from either side.(Our cottage is on a hill between east and west railay beach). Bird calls, shying away rays of the morning sun and a few beetles embarking on their daily chores, and may I add, making quite a racket while doing do!

The beach. Blue, ofcourse. Calm? Not particularly..Passionate would be more like it. The sand bed..of fragrances that don't exist, of smiles that reflect and echo..of imaginations that run wild ..everytime!

Laziness. Abundant. Tanned..even charred. Where hunger lies behind every turn and there are as many meals as sand grains on the beach..or as many as my stomach can hold without going insane..

People and Atmosphere. Surreal. Companionship when I'm alone. Even more when I'm not.Adventure in every call and friendship in ever hello. Experience of meeting people I don't know exist and losing those I do, in the crowd. Learning..everyday..
The art of saying nothing, yet hearing it all...hear the sea calling...challenging...and not replying to it..the charm of being able to hide..from it all..

Of sunsets that rejuvinate..
Of Waves that leave you craving for more..
Of Intoxication that spells ME
Of Holidays that dream of laughter..

Cheers to a wonderful Thailand trip and a great great New Year ahead!