"Hobnobs and Fraternizing Bobs"

Time and again I have been forced, or rather put in sitations to evaluate the meaning of friends, and friendship. To understand my definition, and then put into perspective others take on it, and acknowledge there is a gap. A broad one.

Since I moved to Hong Kong, 7 months ago, I have thought over this topic ever so often and I may have reached a conclusion. But then, it might not be a conclusive one, and may be re-visited in a few months. Till then, here are my thoughts. Friends to me are (very simply) people who are there when you need them. Not only in happy-go-lucky times, but of course in sad, pressing times as well. They tell you whats right from wrong, but at the same time let you make your mistakes. This is probably the same cliche definition a 5th grader is taught while in school, and holds in his/her heart while reaching out to make life long relationships. And this is the same definition which taught me how to pick my friends, my very many good friends. And I have done a rather decent job at that, if I may say so myself.

Why was it then when I moved to HK, I felt there was a subtle noise in this city which prevented people from understanding this definition? It could very well be a function of me being here for 7 odd months, out of which 2 were spent settling in, another 2 back home in India and 1 in a rather anti-social mood, leaving 2 to judge the crowd, which, in all honestly, is hardly fair. Having said that, in those 2 months, amidst the long working hours (which have persisted since day1 in the city), I noticed something unusual. Something very typical to HK, and that is the concept of Transient friends.

Transient friends to me are the people who hang out, have fun, know each other (not in the true sense of the word), kiss each other goodbye when moving away, and may or may not keep in touch. But they are also those who would never know when their friend is sick, is missing from a night of hard partying (possible passed out somewhere!) or is having a baby once he/she moves away from the city. They are however, as enthusiastic about your housewarming as your leaving drinks, will be the first to ask you if you feel better, just so you could go out again, and possible not remember you name the entire weekend thanks to the grueling hangover they presented to you(and themselves). They are what I'd like to say, a booty call -without the booty. Always there, never care. Always up for fun, never facing the gun. Always in need, never indeed.

I suppose its the flavour of the city which suits this sort of lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, I think HK is a great place to have fun, but to me, fun loses its essence if not had with the right people. People move in and move out all the time. They come here, work hard, party hard, and say their goodbyes. I can't blame them, but I feel sorry for those who have to settle for this and be fooled to believe this is something true. Maybe they are afraid to open up to someone who might just pack up and depart in an instant, or they are happier being a mystery. Whatever the reason may be, somewhere deep down I hold a lot of resentment and anger towards such people. Possibly because I feel strongly about the meaning of friendship, and they thwart my definition (and are yet having fun!). Maybe it’s jealousy, jealousy towards those in the world who can live without needing another. Amazement that they can pick up their lives, sans any emotional baggage, and live in another city exactly the same way as they did in the previous, and with probably as many transient friends. I don't feel comfortable giving them the title of jet-setters, go-getters, trend-setters or anything fancy. They, to me, are merely deprived of the one thing that teaches you how to care about another. They are, as harsh as it may sound, clueless.

The two takes on friendship leave me as baffled as before. There are those who genuinely seem to enjoy such relationships, and are far from being out at sea, then there are others (like myself) who would not hear anything off it. I like to make friendships which would last me a lifetime. I like to go out with people who understand why i'm there with them in the first place. And I like to place my bets with those who would pick me up if I were to fall. As far as I'm concerned, I rather be a 5th grader my entire life. After all, it carried me this far. So for better or for worse, I may as well be making a premature judgment of the city & the people, but the vibes have failed to do their part. And to give benefit of the doubt, the opinion may change if I were around longer. Unfortunately, I have so such luxury.

Till the noise lessens, and the decision heals, I shall sit on my side of the road and watch the gap diminish.