...Nibbles...

All holiday trips make me ponder..wide eyed and with a look airy and lost..

This one not only made me think..it got me amused...at the possibilties and extent to which I could think!

Have you ever felt saturated of meeting new people?
I did..

I know so many people from different walks of life..school,college,activities,work,blogging,online,friends' friend, friends' friends' friend, casual aquaintances, salsa buddies etc etc..and I realised I couldn't fit anymore in..I hardly do justice to all of them leave alone make new ones...I don't appreciate a 'meet,eat and leave' routine. Don't get me wrong, I am not adverse to the idea of making friends, of course that is fun and always welcome, the cliche lies somewhere else...

..It's what they bring with them. Each new buddy tells you something new about yourself, something you crave to have or be, something you should want, something you must realise is important, something you must change, something you could try, something you need...
..but sadly it doesn't boost the ego everytime. It's hard enough making decisions , and then someone comes along and tosses down the firm pile with just a whiff of a suggestion. The thoughts come crashing to a realisation which is hard to digest at times...there are people who impress you, who scare you, who comfort you, who need you, who would listen, who would appreciate, who can critisize, who will lie, who tell a truth that pricks, who see through you, who talk to you and you never want to stop talking, who instigate you, who set up a challenge worth risking, who warn you, who play around, who you idolise, and those who become friends....and you start to think like someone you don't want to be..never occured to you that you wanted to be..but now are..

Maybe I'm fickle minded..(ah who am I kidding..I am fickle minded...), maybe i'm easily impressed, maybe i'm naive to the extent of stupidity, maybe the grass is greener on the other side..and the only way to cross over is decide which route to take..maybe I hate making up my mind so much that when someone tries to make me re-think my decisions..I feel intimidated..maybe I find it hard to accept that I should try harder..and I can do better, maybe..just maybe I already know what all these tells me or hints at..but I've always managed to ignore it..and now it stares at me right in the face...whatever it is..all I know is every meeting makes me trash my perceptions and I tear a fresh blank sheet of paper all over again..

To cut the long story short(yeah after I've already written so much! lol) every new person means a new story..which brings in new perpectives and errr..new decisions..

The Coulds, Woulds, Buts, Shoulds, Ifs perform a traumatising dance around me..whilst, armed with an invisible pen, I stare at the bin, the bin which is full now..and the next crumpled paper in will make it overflow..

..I am rambling now...I shall stop..I am so confused I feel jetlagged...